Mental Health

The Oxford Dictionary defines perfectionism as the “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” For many people, perfectionism is a great way to keep motivation for completing schoolwork, keeping one’s room clean, staying organized, and just being successful overall. For others, extreme perfectionism can cause a severely self-destructive nature. 

In many people, perfectionism becomes obsessive and causes an incredibly toxic relationship within oneself. If perfectionism is not managed properly, people begin to set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and for others. This tends to negatively affect their relationships.

Perfectionism itself is not labeled as a mental illness, but having an extreme perfectionist nature can lead to many issues like anxiety, eating disorders, depression, self harm, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Teens are at a much higher risk for developing these conditions as they are in a vulnerable stage in their lives by constantly being placed under high amounts of stress and pressure from schoolwork, families, and balancing their personal lives. Many perfectionists place all of their self-worth into their achievements, some even as small as acing a test. The standards of a perfectionist ultimately set them up for failure. Perfectionists tend to compare themselves to others to an excessive amount. Perfectionists also struggle with allowing themselves to express their creativity out of the fear that their ideas are wrong orinsufficiet.

As a perfectionist, the best thing one can do to help themself is to take a step back before working on something and ask whether the behavior is inspiring personal growth and challenging oneself, or if they are pushing their limits and setting themselves up for failure. I interviewed Katie Bourgeois, a junior here at Incarnate Word Academy, and she shared her experience with being a perfectionist almost her entire life. 

“When I was younger, I felt the only way I was able to get any attention in a house of other children was to be perfect. The only way I felt I could get praised was if I did something grand. If I could not be 100% at an activity when I first began, I was not going to continue doing it. In my mind, no matter what I did, I was never good enough. I was never responsible enough, I was never on time enough, I was never talented enough, I was never quite enough.” Katie talks about how her childhood urges to be perfect stuck with her from her childhood and haunts her still today. “It turned my want and desire to do well in school into something that was only feeding the monster that was hiding within my own mind. The monster that was constantly turning me against myself when I was average at something or failing. It turned me against sports, it turned me against extracurricular activities and ultimately destroyed the relationship I had with myself.” Over time, Katie realized how her perfectionist nature was not healthy for herself and how she put herself down for everything, even her achievements. “My mother’s idea of me was nowhere near what I thought it was. She believed I was enough. She never gave me the praise because she knew I did not need it to thrive. It only motivated me to do better. The lack of praise was something that now I can look back on and realize that I did not need, nor did I need to be perfect to be something.” 

I asked Katie to share one piece of advice she has for everyone reading this. “As horrible as it sounds,” she started, “realizing that you’re not perfect and never will be able to reach that standard is the first step to diminishing perfectionism from within. It will allow you to give yourself compassion and grace when you mess up. It will happen a lot, no need to beat yourself up about it every time. When you are able to use perfectionism as a motivator instead of something that tears you down, you’ll see just how much you can accomplish.” 

2 Minute ReadMedically Reviewed by UPMC Western Behavioral HealthMay 18, 2021. “How Perfectionism Is Linked to Anxiety.” UPMC HealthBeat, 23 June 2021, share.upmc.com/2021/05/perfectionism-linked-to-anxiety/. 

“Oxford Languages and Google - English.” Oxford Languages, languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/. 

“Perfectionism - Psychology Today.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism.